How to deal with Painful Emotions

I am now after decades of thinking, I know only a little of how to deal with painful emotions. It's not an easy part of life though. I am sure that you may have the same experience. Right? If not, maybe we perceive life differently.  Whatever it is, life does not always happen as we want. I think we only can try our best and deal with it accordingly.

But, that's what makes life more exciting, isn't it? We are living on the same planet, but we are so different.  

Let's say about my own parent who came from different cultures. You know, my father's ancestors were from Kutoarjo, Central Java and my mam's were from Kuningan, West Java. Though they were born and raised in Lampung, I could feel that they still hold on to their old ancestral beliefs. It is fascinating.

They always say things like. "Please, don't sit in front of the door. It is pamali (forbidden)" or "Don't whistle at home." and so on. Oh, okay, some of their advice or superstitions might be rational for a reason. However, some of it is quite questionable. I think it may trigger unpredictable emotions.

And, you know that sometimes those emotions are painful. It's not easy to endure. However, we always find a way to stay happy. At least, I will do my best to see things from different perspectives. So, I will not feel so bad. 

My latest experiences 

A few days ago, one of my neighbors who happens to be my own relative, borrowed something from me and she didn't return it. She often did it. Mam said that relatives must help each other. On another day, she said, "Just let it be.." 

But, what made things feel awkward was when I wanted to borrow hers, oven or mixer for instance, she would say someone else had already borrowed it. 

Sometimes, I can't explain how I feel. It's just a bit frustrating.

You know that I know blood is thicker than water. But somehow I don't understand why people keep their contaminated blood in their bodies. It's beyond me.

But, I know that we can't drain our own blood no matter how bad it is. Right?

It's easier to cut the tie. Am I right? But, once again I have to think and consider my parents feeling. As my family believes, people may change. Let's pray they change for the better.

Besides, we can't pick and choose our family, can we?

Emotions

Maybe that's the reason I keep my emotions within me. I can't outburst my feelings coz the risk is too big. At least for me, nobody should know what I feel. It is safer that way.

We never know when we are angry and say unthinkable. Then, we regret it for the rest of our life. It is unbearable. 

But, is it healthy to shut off our feeling to avoid confrontation? Is it okay to conceal our negative emotions and lock them inside?

It's easier that way.

But, don't you think it's no solution for the long run? Don't you think keep your negative emotion too much may endanger your mental health?

I am worry it is. I am afraid it will be blowing up right in my face. 

So what should I do then?

How to deal with painful emotions

No matter how wise or how smart we are, we can't solve all of our problem by ourselves. It's like a very good brain surgery who can't operate or fix his or her own damaged brain. He or she needs other surgeon to help him or her. 

So, how can we deal with painful emotions?

1. First we can talk about it. 

Okay, I know that we can't solve everything by talking only. But, trust me, when you talk to someone, you may feel a bit lighter. You feel like a weight lifted off your shoulders.

However, you need to take care of to whom you talk to. The person you talk to must be a loyal one. Someone you can trust.

So, this person can be your listener and confidante.

2. Confirm and recognize the problem.

We know that it's not easy to live under people judgemental eyes. It's hard to confirm the problem and recognize it as a problem coz we hope by doing so it may just disappear.

However, we can't avoid elephant in the eyes forever. We eventually must confirm it and recognize it as a reality. 

3. Accept and embrace it as it is. A part of ourselves and our live.

After confirming and recognizing the problem, we accept and embrace the problem as ours. A part of us. 

Maybe it's like when we realize that the air we breathe in is no longer healthy. We accept the reality and try our best to live with it. 

4. Live with it happily 

When we accept our reality, it's easier to live around it. Do our best to survive and more. 

It reminds me with a friend of mine who just lost her beloved. It was painful to see her struggle with her lost and denial. 

But, once she accepted her lost and painful emotions as a part of life, she is now happier. Though she know she can't have her lost one back, she still enjoy her life. 

Anyway, life is just too short. We can only share it with those we love. And no matter how painful it is to lose someone, we can't avoid it. Because every pain we endure is worth every love we have.